If you were to ask me one month ago if the New Jersey Devils were going to make the NHL playoffs, I would have probably hit you over the head with my X20 Bauer stick for being such a moron. But it appears even I can be wrong… Because, maybe it is just the red bull talking, but I think these puckin’ Devils will make the playoffs. Be sure to let me know what a puckin’ dolt I am below in the comments; but I believe it.
The first half of the season the Devils couldn’t even buy a win on Craig’s List, they couldn’t even buy a puckin goal! Ilya Kovalchuk was barely averaging 1 shot per game (well, one shot on goal but probably 6 shots of vodka), so much for a $100 million man! Lets also not forget about his shoot out attempt where the puck magically just rolled off his stick, as he looked up at the sky asking “why”? Is he a waste of cash? Will he not ever learn the defensive side of hockey?
Of course he will and you’re a loser for not knowing this! And if you did know this, good for you… Want a pucking lollipop?
Lemaire is his head coach, one of the best in the NHL. He along with just 8 others in the NHL have over 600 NHL career wins as a head coach. If anyone can teach an offensive minded player on how to play defense, it is Jacques Lemaire. Jacques will teach him how to get his D on, if not he will tell him to Jacques-off… Couldn’t resist. Parents, even if you are French, do not name your kid Jacques.
Listen, I am a huge Kovalchuk fan, but I could not stop myself from laughing so hard a fart came out at hist shootout attempt. It was pretty much the explanation point on the Devils lame attempt at a season at that point in time. And the next day I remember seeing one particular Facebook fan page entitled “Kovalchuk’s epic fail at a shootout attempt”. On this fan page you will find the the shoot out attempt video along with Kovalchuk’s nick name “Kovalchoke”.
Kovalchoke, how lame and obvious is that? But, we all know why great hockey players like Kovalchuk get such bad nick names, and get booed every time they touche the puck. He is simply just too good and amateur hockey fans, like you and your toothless girlfriend I bet, cannot stand his greatness.
Kovalchuk has a nine-game point streak, recording seven goals and four assists and fueling New Jersey’s success. Not so much a “Kovalchoke”, eh? More like a Kovalchap. Ok, that nickname is equally lame but I own this site and do what I please. My point is that Kolvachuk seems to be earning that $100 million now.
Currently in 13th place with just 52 points in the East, the Devils are only 14 points out of the playoff picture. Here I am saying only, like 14 points is nothing, with 24 games remaining. Someone puck me in the head, because this is dreaming… But not entirely not impossible.
The Devils are 6-0-1 this month, winners of five straight and a remarkable 14-1-2 in the past 17 games.
That is a total of 30 points in the last 17 games! Holy pucking ice cubes Batman! The hottest team in hockey, they have significantly whittled down the breathless finish they’ll need to 19-6 for 88 points, which might be just enough for a 14th straight playoff berth. At the halfway point of the season, they needed to finish 33-8 for 88, far more intimidating than current affairs
So, why all of a sudden are these Devils winning game after game? Was this all part of an evil master plan? After-all they are called the Devils. Right?
Looking over the schedule for the Devils and a few teams above them in the standings, Thrashers, Sabres, Hurricanes, and Panthers. The Devils control their own destiny in making this remarkable run come true. The remaining games for the Devils are against the teams mentioned above.
It is going to be a hard one in order for them to make the playoffs this season, but if they do squeeze in (get it, HARD ONE – SQUEEZE IN? I am so funny!), every team in the East needs to keep their eye on these Devils. With all the momentum entering the playoffs, if they make it, they could easily go deep, sending teams home early in dissapointment.
Wait, did I just say hard one, squeeze in, go deep… Paging Dr. Freud!
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