Pucking Throat Slashing Nazem Kadri and Fined $5,000
On Thursday Toronto Maple Leafs centre Nazem Kadri was fined $5,000 for his throat-slash gesture toward Mark Giordano in a game at Calgary on Tuesday night.
The incident happened after Giordano hit Kadri with a huge, but fair, body check. Kadri didn’t see it that way and threatened the Calgary captain with the throat-slash gesture from the safety of the bench.
The NHL boasts a record of currently having no serial killers in its leagues, and that is because of the stern $5,000 fine which is imposed on anyone who makes an “inappropriate gesture” or demonstrates signs of murderous intentions. The punishment works. However, there are several mimes who cannot be named for safety reasons.
Kadri could consider himself fortunate he was only fined considering the last notable mime artist was Nick Boynton, then of the Chicago Blackhawks, who received a one-game suspension for making a similar gesture at Blair Jones in 2010.
The gesture by Kadri was deemed “inappropriate” and not very Canadian. But it is quite hypocritical of the NHL to fine a player for “inappropriate gestures”, yet to not reward and reimburse a player for showing “appropriate gestures”. A thumbs up to a rival player for his elegant puck handling, for example.
It has not been considered, or discussed, by relevant authority figures in the sport to the possible use of voodoo which is at play here. Yes, Nazem Kadri may not be a serial killer targeting another victim. This is unlikely. Yet, Kadri could possess some sort of telekinetic voodoo mind-control power like Darth Vader to inflict pain on a player with a simple gesture. Giordano, on the ice, clutching at his neck gasping for air twenty feet away from Kadri sitting on the Leafs bench.
It seems narrow-minded that the NHL haven’t looked into such an obvious possibility.
The strange thing is that during an interview with the Toronto Sun, Kadri said “It (the throat slash) is something I don’t really remember doing. I was in and out a little bit…”, which not only supports the even more cemented theory of voodoo but that he was dismissing any responsibility for the actions as being nothing more than some kind of spontaneous muscle spasm.
He is clearly relying on the hiccup scapegoat for when causing an accident in a car. Apparently if you say you hiccupped at the moment of impact, it can abolish you of the blame because during a hiccup the heart stops and you are not in control of your actions on the basis of being essentially dead.
That is Kadri’s plea to the Hockey Operations Department who issued the $5000 fine; that he hiccupped and in this split moment his body made an “inappropriate gesture”. It couldn’t have been me because I was technically deceased. It’s a strong case.
Kadri did end up missing the Leafs game against the Oilers because of a “lower-body injury”, possibly caused by an unseen “inappropriate gesture” by Flames defenceman Dougie Hamilton of stabs to the abdomen.
Pucking Hockey is a registered trademark company. Pucking Hockey is a registered copyright company. All Rights Reserved.